


iPod Challenge: Dani Moonstar

by Bether



Series: FanFic100 (Dani Moonstar) [1]
Category: Avengers: The Initiative, Marvel (Comics), New Mutants, X-Force (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Community: fanfic100, Drabble, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Friendship, Gen, Missing Scene, Not Beta Read, POV Alternating, Past Tense, Post-Canon, Present Tense, Romance, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-09
Updated: 2010-08-14
Packaged: 2017-10-11 02:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bether/pseuds/Bether
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten stand alone Dani Moonstar-centric drabbles/vignettes, each one inspired by music. Shorts involving life, love, pain, loss, anger, self-doubt, heartbreak, magic and much more!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whatever It Takes

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to give the iPod Challenge (which, if you don't know, is to put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 drabbles/mini-vignettes inspired by the first ten songs that come up—you're only supposed to have the song's length to write but I totally cheated) a go. Each chapter is titled for the song used and has a lyric excerp at the top, none of which I own.
> 
> **Disclaimer: **Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of Marvel Characters, Inc. I do not own them and am simply borrowing for my purposes. Please don't sue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _you gotta let me inside even though it hurts/show me the broken parts that I need to see_ \-- "Whatever It Takes" by Lifehouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabble set between Dani's exit from New X-Men v2 and her reappearance in Avengers: The Initiative. Told from Dani's perspective in past tense.

She thought she loved him. She thought he understood her (despite his non-mutant status). She thought they had a real shot at making it. She thought a lot of things that didn't mean jack when she was facing down the reality of their situation.

Justin Pierce was a good man and he loved her. That should've been enough. She wanted it to be enough. Silently, she promised to do whatever it took to hold them together. She was so sure her will, strong as it was, wouldn't fail them. She thought it'd be enough…

But then he called her on it. He told her that if they were going to be together, she'd have to let down those walls she's spent so many years meticulously building. He told her he wouldn't have half of a relationship. He told her she had to choose—let him in or let them go.

She packed her bags that night. She could give everything else but to trust him that fully? She wanted to, but she couldn't. And, like it or not, that was how it had to be. Otherwise it wasn't fair to him—or to her. They both deserved better.


	2. Whatever It Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _this is how you remind me/of what I really am_ \-- "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabble set during/shortly after Dani's tenure with _Avengers: The Initiative_. Slight spoilers for the Secret Invasion crossover. Told in present tense from Dani's perspective.

She's a nice girl, Thor Girl is. Respectful. Dani doesn't miss the fear but the respect she received as a Valkyrie? That she never minded, not one bit.

Even so, Dani still can't stand being around her too long. It's not her fault—not either of their faults, really. Thor Girl's just too much a reminder of Asgard.

And Dani—she's still smarting over her abrupt dismissal from their ranks. (Needless to say, she's secretly a bit relieved when the girl turns out to be a Skrull.)


	3. Lying From You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _when I pretend, I can't forget about the criminal I am/stealing second after second just cause I know I can but_ \-- "Lying From You" by Linkin Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short vignette set directly after X-Force v1 #28. (For those not familiar—you can find a bit on the confrontation at in uxm.net's [Moonstar spotlight](http://www.uncannyxmen.net/db/spotlight/showquestion.asp?faq=10&fldAuto=75&page=4).) Told in present tense, second person from Dani's perspective.

You sit in your room, still clothed and smelly from the battle with X-Force (your first since joining the Mutant Liberation Front and not one you'll forget soon) with your mask in your lap. You know you're staring at it but the shapeless material looks alien to you. You wish it was, so you'd have someone other than yourself to blame for hurting your friends.

They'll never understand, you think. They'll never realize you were saving Sam's life by hurting him. They'll never see that this person—the masked woman who is so cruel and uncaring—isn't you at all. You haven't changed that much. You're different, sure—they all are—but you're not a villain. You're not bad. You're _not_.

You almost believe it, too. But you still feel a deep, stabbing guilt in your gut, and you know nothing is quite that black and white, no matter what the real truth is.

Fed up, you toss the mask aside and pull a small, wrinkled and worn photo from the breast of your costume. It's an old picture of the team you used to belong to. Of your family before you left them. It makes you smile sadly and there's a hard constriction in your chest. You hope the ache goes away soon, but you know it won't. It didn't in Asgard.

"It's for you," you whisper to the image of one of your former teammates. "I swear, I just want to save you." You almost believe _that_, too. Deep down, though, you know you are angry and bitter—not as much as the _rest_ of the MLF but still. And, even though you like to think this is to save him, you know you're trying to save you, too.

You just hope you don't lose yourself instead.


	4. You're Crashing, But You're No Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _boys in three pieces dream of grandstanding and bravado,/the city sleeps in a cell notwithstanding what we all know,/hang on a rope or bated breath whichever you prefer_ \-- "You're Crashing, But You're No Wave" by Fall Out Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short vignette set in the interim between when Surge visited Dani in X-Men: Divided We Stand #2 and her capture in Young X-Men with references to the former (and foreshadowing the latter). It also references her time in Avengers: The Initiative and exit in New X-Men v2 #20. Told in present tense from Dani's perspective.

She hates to leave her cabin these days. It's not just the safety and warmth she's built there, though those things are comforting. It's the _people_. Whenever she goes out, she can feel them—their stares and judgments. All it takes is one lingering look and she starts to question herself.

She hates questioning herself. She never has before, and she doesn't like that she's started now. But she feels like a fake—a pretender. She can walk the world as if she is one of _them_ but she isn't. Even though she doesn't have powers now, she did. _Before_.

She hates that her life isn't any simpler because of it, though. She's lost enough that it feels like it ought to be. (Of course, to be fair, a lot of things ought to be different than they are.) Still, she shouldn't have to be constantly looking over her shoulder.

She hates that even after she's left the life behind—a life that wouldn't _let_ her stay—she can still feel it following her. If it's not the government, it's her ex-students seeking her out. If it's not some old villain with a score he's still trying to settle, it's something else.

She hates that there's always something. Because it means she'll never have a normal life, no matter how without powers she is. There was a time she would've chosen to have it that way but now… now she's older and she'd at least like the _option_ of a choice.

She hates a lot of things in her life these days. She doesn't just accept things as they are, though. She's not some complacent sheep, and she may be cynical, but she's not stupid. She'll keep fighting until she wins her way… or some other sort of end rolls around.


	5. Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _don't turn around and don't look back/I see right through all your selfless acts_ \-- "Leave Me Alone" by The Veronicas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vignette set sometime after Young X-Men #6 (where the kids and Dani/Roberto were given a place to live in a church) and X-Men: Legacy #216 (in which Xavier and Scott have an incredibly tense conversation). It stretches X-Men: Legacy continuity in having Xavier attempt to visit some other former students (namely Dani) before leaving as instructed. Told from Dani's perspective in past tense.

Dani's jaw was set as she stared down the man before her. She was so angry, the emotion practically radiated off her. Slowly she advanced, one finger pointing rigidly at him. "You did this?" It was as much a statement as a question and she was almost surprised by how rough her voice sounded. _Almost_.

"I'm certain I did what I did because I believed it to be the best—or perhaps only—option," her former teacher replied. "You know I would never—"

Raising one hand, she shook her head. "If you value use of your legs, old man, you'll stop there," she spat. She might not have her powers anymore, but she was nowhere near helpless. "I can't believe how you manipulated Sam, Roberto—all of us! And for what end? You don't even _know!_"

He shrugged and she hated how nonchalant he was about everything. "I can remember some of it but it's like watching a movie, Danielle. The person who did those things… he's not me. Not anymore." He reached to place a hand on her shoulder but she shied away from his touch. "For what it's worth, I am sorry for what happened to you. _All_ of you."

"Save it," she growled, crossing her arms. "Your words are meaningless to me—to all of us!" She let out a bitter laugh. "We're not your students anymore, Charles, so don't come here and try to manipulate us anymore. It _won't_ work." Then she pointed toward the tower behind her. "And you stay away from those kids up there or so help me I will give you the ending you so richly deserve."

He didn't say anything, passive blue eyes meeting her angry brown. He just nodded once and turned to leave.

When he was almost at the door, she called out to him. "Did you ever even believe in the Dream at all?" she asked and there was a note of helplessness in her voice. "Or was it just a bunch of pretty rhetoric to trick the youth of tomorrow into following you and not Magneto or Shaw?"

His shoulders were hunched and he didn't turn back. "I don't know about the Charles Xavier you knew," he replied with a tired sigh, "but I'm starting to believe." That was all he offered before stepping through the entryway and was out of view.

It wasn't the closure she'd been hoping for but it was enough. Enough to let her hold onto the good memories and bury the bad. Enough for her to be able to move on. And, really, that was all she could hope for after such a betrayal.


	6. Near to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard/to get back to who I used to be_ \-- "Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabble set sometime after X-Force v1 #68 (when Dani joins up with the team for good). Also refers to X-Force v1 #43 and Reignfire's retcon (or "true origin" depending on who you ask). Told from Dani's perspective in present tense.

Sometimes she still wakes up with tears streaming down her face, silent screams echoing in her ears. Those are usually the days she flinches when Roberto comes too close to her. She knows it's not his fault—that Reignfire wasn't him, not _really_—but knowing and feeling aren't the same. And she just can't help the way her heartbeat speeds up or how sweat starts forming at her brow.

She wishes moving on was easier. She's had to do it before but it's different this time. He took so much from her, not least of all her poor Darkwind. Not that she's alone now or anything. She can't say X-Force is the same as the New Mutants (because it's not) but they help in their own ways. Tabby with her rambling, James with his stoic understanding, Bobby with his friendship, Terry with her compassion.

The problem is the memories. She wishes she could shake free of their hold but it's not that easy. Still, she knows it would be a million times harder without her friends. They make it better—make _her_ better. For that, she's eternally grateful. She might not be healed yet, but with them on her side, she knows she will be someday. And it's enough.


	7. It's All Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _when you're on the edge and falling off/it's all over for you_ \-- "It's All Over" by Three Days Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabble set in an ominously bleak future that's not really tied to continuity (in fact, it should probably be considered AU, since Dani has her powers back). Told in present tense from some sort of vaguely omniscient third person point of view.

"It's sad," they say. "She had so much potential. A sharp mind and strong will. You wouldn't know it now, though, looking at her."

She's huddled in the corner of her cell, hugging herself. Sometimes she mumbles, sometimes it's full blown conversations. No one ever answers her, though, just the mirages of her mind.

"She was always a bit mentally unstable," they confide. "Her powers found the weakness and ate away at it. Ate away until her mind became a prison."

There's a collar around her neck, designed to prevent her powers from working. That hasn't stopped the episodes, as they're so aptly called. It hasn't brought her old self back.

"It became impossible for her to separate reality from her own desires and fears personified," they explain. "And now, well…"

She won't ever be free of her prison again, literally or figuratively. Not until it's all over. Not until she leaves this life for whatever's next. (And even then it's somewhat questionable.)

They always shake their heads sadly. "It really is a tragic case." Then they move on.


	8. Always Where I Need to Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _oh, I can take her anywhere/do whatever comes naturally to you_ \-- "Always Where I Need to Be" by The Kooks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabble set early during her tenure with the original New Mutants sometime before the Demon Bear Saga (which I attempted to vaguely foreshadow). Told in present tense from Xavier's perspective.

There's something strangely detached about her. People watch from the outside but they never understand—not fully. She's a contradiction of natures. How can she keep her heart so guarded and still be so open? It doesn't make any sense…

She's an older sister to half (or more) of her team and friends with the rest. She lets them lean on her, helps them look at the big picture, while still teasing them. She seems as normal as a teenager gets, wanting to dance and talk about boys and get the new Lila Cheney CD. And yet…

She never asks for help, even when she needs it. She never lets her guard down long enough for any of her own pain to come out. It eats her up inside but for some reason she just can't seem to trust enough. The question is, does she not trust them—her make-shift family—or herself?

He doesn't have any answers, though, only more thoughts on one of his more difficult students. As her teacher, Xavier can only imagine what will happen when her demons finally do come out… and he feels a deep sense of foreboding at the imminent event.


	9. Audience of One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _now all my friends gone/maybe we've outgrown all the things that we once loved_ \-- "Audience of One" by Rise Against

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vignette set during Dani's time as a Valkyrie, with nods to the demise of New Mutants (v1), the creation of X-Force (v1), X-Cutioner's Song and a bunch of other early 90's plotlines. I took some liberties with Asgard and magic and stuff because, well, it seems like everyone else at Marvel does, so why not? Told from Dani's perspective in past tense.

Dani had mixed feelings about watching her friends. She wanted to be sure they were all right (for all the good she could do if they weren't) but it felt like cheating somehow. Like she shouldn't take advantage of the fact that she _could_ see them when they couldn't do the same. It was that feeling that kept her from doing it too often. Still, when the loneliness began to eat at her too much and the memories of the friendships she'd left behind became too large a burden, she'd indulge.

All it required was a bit of magic and a pool of water. She wasn't a mystic by any stretch of the imagination but the latent talents she'd inherited from Black Eagle were apparently amplified in Asgard. It took but a moment and then they were there. Shining back from the water's surface, she could watch whatever trials and tribulations they were facing in Midgard. She always felt guilty afterward—it was spying, after all—and homesick but also sated in a way that the Valkryor couldn't give her.

It was from Asgard that she watched a stranger called Cable come into the lives of the New Mutants. She watched with furrowed brows and deep concern as her friends—her family, really, because she rarely felt the urge to follow her parent's lives—as they began to fall away from what she knew. Friends turned from friends. They left the school and for what? To become soldiers? She had walked that path and wouldn't wish it upon anyone, least of all those she loved as dearly as the New Mutants.

She wanted so desperately to speak to them, then. She wished more than ever that she could just go back, even for a single day. She'd grab Sam by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. They were meant to be the next generation of X-Men, not renegades. She wasn't there, and she was certain there was more to the story, but what could have gone so wrong that they felt the need to run away from everything they'd been working toward? She just didn't understand…

Watching from above, it hurt. It hurt to see them drift apart so easily. As if it was nothing more than a natural progression. Rahne became part of the new X-Factor, Shan continued searching for her siblings, Skids and Rusty went down a darker path with the M.L.F., Amara stayed in Brazil, Sam and Bobby "graduated" to X-Force… Warlock joined poor Doug. It wasn't right. And she was sure if she could just remind them of everything they were missing, it'd be all right. They wouldn't have to live like this anymore.

But even the best intentions can't stop the world from moving forward. Because the truth was she _wasn't_ there, and she didn't know that she ever would be again. The day she saw X-Factor ordered to arrest X-Force (and then carry out said orders), she stopped watching. She couldn't face being the lone audience to the destruction of the life she'd reluctantly left behind any longer. It was just too damn hard.


	10. Adelaide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _you keep giving me signs that you think I wanna see/but you're nothing like you seem_ \-- "Adelaide" by Anberlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short vignette set during X-Force v1 #68. (The panel that inspired this one is on [this page](http://www.uncannyxmen.net/db/spotlight/showquestion.asp?faq=10&fldAuto=75&page=5) of the Moonstar Spotlight.) Told in present tense from the perspective of Forearm (aka Michael McCain).

Michael McCain has been a lot of things in his life—a lot of not so great things, really, though he would never admit that. But he has never felt so betrayed as he does the day Dani Moonstar is revealed to be a covert S.H.I.E.L.D. operative. Part of him hopes she'll just leave and he'll never have to see her lying face again and the rest… the rest is too damn hurt to admit it wants anything else.

She finds him anyway, of course, because that's how the good guys are. Always wanting to speak their piece and explain why their way is the best. Yeah fucking right. _She_ is the liar here, not him! He'd trusted her to be his friend and all along she's been a spy. He should go Hulk on her and rip her pretty head off her neck. That'd show her.

But he doesn't. Honestly, he can barely keep from sulking and throwing a violent fit of some sort. He wants to tell her he was going to ask her out but never had the chance. He wants her to regret that because it's digging deep inside of him. He wants her to feel even an iota of all the crap he's feeling because she deserves the burden, not him. She's the one who was playing them all for chumps.

None of that happens, though. He shakes her off with his dignity in tact, which is probably the best he could honestly hope for. He takes his leave from the Mutant Liberation Front because if they screwed the pooch this badly, there's no way they're going to be liberating anything. As he goes, he can't help but bitterly hope she gets her heart crushed someday. Karma and all that shit.


End file.
